arienettelyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- no more songs about you. after this one i am done. cigarette smoke makes me nauseous. and my mom, while screaming at me last night, chain smoked in my fucking face for about 2 hours. there was never in a time in that 2 hour period when she was not blowing smoke in my face. i felt so sick by the time she was done with me. i still feel sick now. after sleeping and everything. so sick that i called in sick to work. i never do that. but i just feel...horrible. all around. i'm not breathing right. everytime my mom calls me to go downstairs i feel like i can barely make it. and i'm sweating like crazy. i'm probably coming down with something...i can't blame it on the smoke. but goddamn. i'd tell her how much it bothered me, but that would only make her more mad. i think i've always found cigarette smoke unpleasant, but it probably makes me nauseous because i associate it with my mother screaming at me. because the only time i'm around her is when she's screaming, really, and when she's angry she is ALWAYS smoking. so there is never yelling without smoking. but there is sometimes smoking without yelling. so i don't know if it's some stupid subconscious thing or not. maybe it isn't at all. the smell of marijuana makes me even more nauseous than cigarette smoke. and i don't associate marijuana with anything bad. the only place i usually smell it is at shows, and those are normally a good experience for me. oh man, i remember at the something corporate show, someone was smoking weed right behind me, and i couldn't take it, i almost passed out. i don't know where i'm going with this... i guess, what i'm trying to say is, don't smoke around me. i don't take well to it. 2:13 p.m. - 2003-07-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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