arienettelyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The sunlight has been manufactured in a windowless room Have you ever had one of those days where you just want some company and absolutely no one will humor you? Maybe it's just me. I really wanted to get the fuck out of this house today. Nothing. Dropping hints gets me nowhere. Neither does saying things outright. After 4 hours of watching television (and absolutely nothing that I even remotely had an interest in) I had to get out. But I didn't even have anywhere to go. I think driving around aimlessly helped out. Or maybe not, since I'm still all fucked up. I did notice something on the live Thursday CD that I never noticed before, so I guess the whole thing wasn't a waste. Does anyone else ever wonder what the point is? Like...why am I here, why are you here, that bullshit. We're here to have babies, right, and keep the species, and then we die and no one ever remembers us. We're all so fucking insignificant but we think that we're so important. It just makes no sense. It would be so much easier to be one of those insects that just is born, spawns, and dies. They fulfill their purpose. They don't have the capability to have all the stupid problems we do. We're supposed to be happy, right? That's what we're told. Is anyone, really? At times, I know, but as a whole, I think being highly evolved is just some sort of curse. We have the ability to see how much things suck. That rant's going nowhere. I'm a human, I suscribe to our ideals of what happy is. And you need companionship to be happy. You need friends. I don't have friends. If you're one of the three people who thinks that you might actually be my friend, think about this...what do you really know about me? I'm sure you can name my favorite bands and tv shows but you could learn that from looking at my fucking bedroom walls. It's not your fault though, it's mine. I'm not trying hard enough, I guess. It's hard hanging around with people my age because I don't enjoy doing what they do. Maybe it's just something I have to get over. Anyone I would consider even remotely interesting on my campus has the idea that when hanging out with people, the appropriate thing to be doing is smoking pot and getting wasted. Hanging out with drunk people when you're not drunk is probably the least fun thing I can think of. So I can have acquaintances and be friendly with these people, but it can't really go anywhere if I don't let go of this stupid pet peeve I have with drinking. So then, of course, I'm left with the goddamn straight edge kids, you know the ones that fucking advertise it all over the place with their sXe patches and shit...I hate those kids more than a pack of drunken idiots forcing me to listen to Puddle of Mudd. Get over your fucking selves, Jesus Christ. This went nowhere, but I feel better. In case you didn't notice, I'm fucking moody (on account of PMS) and...yeah. I'm afraid to go to bed. There was a spider on my bed before. I don't know where it is now. It was giant. Really fat. I'm going to see Thursday on Monday. You have no idea how much I am looking forward to this.
10:55 p.m. - 2003-11-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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