arienettelyn's Diaryland Diary

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Sad news and some stuff I wrote!

So I've got a few things I gotta put out here tonight...

First off, Jonathon Brandis committed suicide a few weeks ago and I just found out and I'm totally bummed. I had the hugest crush on this kid when I was a kid. Check him out!

Let's all cry for him together. Ladybugs was a hot movie. He dressed up like a girl and played soccer for a girls team, and hilarity ensued!

They don't make classics like that anymore.

I wrote crap the other day in my Chemistry class and I want to put it here and please don't laugh at me, even though it's lame...writing really helps me when I'm all ffhljhtrehaerlfg inside, but I never show anyone so umm this is a big step for me right? (I'm already fucking defending myself, this is sad!)

Ok so yeah here's a poem...if you can even call it that.

i felt God in his sweat
i felt myself - more than ever before
i felt as if my life depended on it

3 seconds maybe 4 or 5
6 or 7? but it felt like a lifetime
(it was my lifeline - i don't know why)

and in that second (6, 7?) i thought that
You might be right
- there is something bigger than us all

....haha...I'm sorry. This next thing is...not a poem. It's not much of anything. Kenny keeps telling me I should write a story, so here's my story. Although it's not a story. And even though I was thinking of someone else when I wrote it some of myself definitely came out in here.

I like it, I say, when you (or I would if you would) ask, but really it's more like I accept it, as one must accept all things they cannot change. I'm a master at blending in to my surroundings - I bet you don't notice me half the time. I take pride in that, since I can't think of anything else to be proud of. (I play that note - that note is necessary, it is integral, don't they understand?) Of course they don't make it hard for me to do my "hiding" (really it's more like I accept it). They put me in the shadows (but I like it) and I do my job (because, after all, I am hired help) and maybe you notice me (but they don't make it easy, do they?)

I've gotten quite used to my view from back here (the view from the sixth floor) and I have it good, really, when you think about it. I never even break a sweat (but I wrote those notes - those notes that make you cry - or did you forget?) Maybe I have it even better than them - no one ever bothers me. They just get bothered, bothered, bothered, but I can just sit back and enjoy my view (sure I'm on the sixth floor but it's better than nothing) and they deal with the bullshit (but I just deal with different bullshit, the kind one must accept when they live on the sixth floor) and sometimes (but only sometimes) I get a little jealous (because it's hard to belong when you live on the sixth floor, but easy to blend in) but then I remember that I'm here to do a job (because I will never be more than hired help) and when you do a job well you are rewarded, (so I play my notes and I blend in with shadows and I do it so well, but where is my reward?) so I'll just wait it out (even though sometimes I want to scream) and eventually, they'll let me out into the light, (just a smile, I swear that's all I need) although, really, I like it, I accept it, I am so good at it, (one day they'll see) and if necessary, I can just stay on sixth floor, the view isn't that bad.

That was really horrendous to type out...I realize it makes no sense but I like it. Have a day!

10:39 p.m. - 2003-11-25

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